Christmas—‘tis the season of goodwill, joy, and… co-parenting negotiations that make you question every life choice. You’ve got the snow-dusted Christmas cards showing happy families in matching pyjamas on one side, and on the other, the grim reality of crafting holiday arrangements with your ex that you don’t want to end in a call to a solicitor.
Whether it’s your first or fifteenth Christmas navigating co-parenting post-divorce and separation, the holidays can be tricky. Maybe it’s your turn with the kids, and you’re stressed about making it perfect—or perhaps you’re bracing yourself for Christmas alone. Whatever the situation, we are here to tell you that while it most likely won’t be easy, it doesn’t have to feel like a festive episode of Judge Judy.
Here’s our essential guide to surviving co-parenting at Christmas with (most of) your sanity intact.
9 Tips for Co-Parenting Christmas Success
1. Remember: It’s Not About You
Let’s get this out of the way—as we all know, here is tip #1, Christmas is about the children. It’s not about who gets more time, has the flashier tree, or makes the better stuffing (though I’m sure yours is much better than theirs…).
Work out what’s best for the children, not “fair” for you or other family members. And try not to turn Christmas Day into an airport shuttle service because, as much as you don’t want to be stuck in the car on the M25 listening to ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ on repeat, your children don’t want to either.
Consider this if your children are old enough to tell you how they want to spend their day and what they want. Just be warned, as the answer is likely to be ‘a new PlayStation and a pony!’
2. Don’t Let the Perfect Be the Enemy of the Good
It’s tempting to want a perfect Christmas, especially when you’re parenting from separate households. But, tip #2: Christmas is rarely perfect, even under the best circumstances when you and your partner are still together and arrangements do not need to be made. If your kids are begging for a family gathering, and you can pull it off without anyone ending up in tears, then why not go for it? A quick gift exchange or coffee at a neutral venue could do the trick. But if even the thought of being in the same room as your ex makes you want to pour hot mulled wine on your head, it’s okay to say no.
Although your children may want to see you all together, they would much rather see you separately if it saves any anger or upset for anyone involved.
3. Technology Is Your Friend
If the kids are spending Christmas with your ex, a quick FaceTime or WhatsApp call can go a long way. Tip #3: Use technology to make your life easy. It reassures them that both parents are thinking of them—and shows them that you are still able to move after consuming the holiday leftovers that were left in your fridge.
4. Plan Early (Like, Yesterday)
Tip #4: try not to leave decisions regarding Christmas to the last minute. Although these issues are likely to be awkward and sensitive conversations to have, discussions should start months in advance, before tensions escalate faster than the price of advent calendars.
If you already know that the conversations between you will likely cause issues, then there is always the option of a parenting plan.
It’s not exactly festive, but it’ll save you lots of headaches when next year rolls around and will lift that weight each year knowing you all know where you stand and what to expect.
5. Embrace Change (and Maybe a New Christmas Tradition)
Old traditions and ‘how things used to be’ might look different now, and that’s tough. It can bring about feelings of upset and grief, and these feelings are absolutely normal, but try not to dwell on them for too long. Tip #5: This Christmas season is your chance to start new traditions. Maybe you’ll have a “second Christmas” the week before, or maybe your new tradition is debating each year whether Die Hard is a real Christmas movie!
Whatever it is, your attitude to change will be a strong signal to your children that new things are ok, and sometimes, even better ones.
6. Channel Your Inner Zen Master
Tip #6: Let’s face it—something could go wrong. Your ex might be late dropping off the kids (again), your carefully planned schedule might fall apart, or something will burn. Here’s the thing: getting into a shouting match in the driveway isn’t going to fix it. Handovers are hard for children, and swapping houses during the holidays can be a little overwhelming for children, especially if they are acutely aware their parents don’t get on.
Love, affection, and lots of smiles are key—save the eye-rolling and heavy sighing for when you’re back in the car, blasting your “Calm Down” playlist.
7. Coordinate the Gift List
Trust me, nothing ruins Christmas morning like two PlayStations under the trees—or worse, no PlayStation at all because both of you assumed the other one would buy it.
Tip #7: Avoid disappointment (and unnecessary gift returns) by agreeing on presents ahead of time. It’s also a great excuse to remind your ex that no ten-year-old needs two brand-new iPhones to open on Christmas day!
8. Be the Bigger Elf
Want to score some serious co-parenting brownie points? Tip #8: Put a few gifts under the tree that are labelled “From Mum” or “From Dad,” even if you didn’t buy them.
Or maybe buy your ex a gift from your children? Your kids will feel loved by both parents, and your ex might say something nice about you for once. Win-win!
9. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Sometimes, even the best intentions aren’t enough. Co-parenting at Christmas can feel like a high-stakes game of chess, but with a little planning, some flexibility, and a good sense of humour, you can make it through the season. And if you feel like you can’t, then we are here to help you. And if all else fails, there’s always mulled wine! Tip #9: Contact our team for advice.
Co-parenting at Christmas can be challenging, but you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Whether you need help crafting a parenting plan, resolving disputes, or simply want guidance on making this festive season work for everyone, we’re here to help.
Schedule a consultation with Emma Gallant, our experienced family law solicitor, and get the practical advice and support you need to make this Christmas as smooth and joyful as possible.
Contact us today to book your appointment and start planning for a stress-free holiday season.
